Unnecessary Gates

December 28, 2023

You might look at that photo above and wonder, "Why is there a gate in the middle of that field? What's the point?" I wonder that too, every time I pass it.

I took cello lessons from when I was 8 to when I was 14. I loved playing in my school orchestra, but I regarded my daily practice routine as sheer drudgery.

You likely think I'm going to write next about being glad I was made to practice, because it helped cultivate a lifelong love of music, but no. Maybe it works that way for some, but for me, the requirement to practice each day before being allowed to do anything "fun" pushed me in opposition both to my parents and to the music. This is a stupid thing to fight about, I'd think, and sometimes say aloud, especially if I had been caught lying about whether I'd practiced.

While I in fact did become a lifelong lover of music—my adult life has been immeasurably enhanced by knowing music from the inside out—I also became a lifelong opposer of artificial barriers to success, whether in accomplishments or relationships. Some people have decided to be path clearers, doing their best to make it easy for others to forge ahead unimpeded, while others seem to enjoy being gatekeepers. Over the years, I learned to hold the first type of people close to my heart and flee the rest.

As a parent, I've tried to erect as few gates as possible between my kids and what we're trying to achieve together. "Sure, give the French horn a try, and if you like it enough to practice regularly to get better, we can keep sending you to lessons," I'd say to Ella. How different from "If you can't practice without complaining, we're taking that instrument right back to the store." Notice it's the same product being sold (music literacy and love); it's just marketed differently.

My New Year's wish for all our readers: May your 2024 be free of pointless obstacles on your path to success, and lifted by the music you love.

—Deb